LOVE
by chibikuro rose-sama
Summary: Legs Open Very Easily. Sasuke is trying to spend some time with his dobe, but things aren't going as planned. crackfic for Vday. SasuNaru, small KakaIruka. rated to be safe since there are some sexual themes. oneshot.


L.O.V.E: Legs Open Very Easily

Moans and groans of pleasure could be heard from under the covers in a room on the second floor of the largest mansion on Uchiha compound. If one were to take a closer look, they would see two teenage forms panting for breath. There was a smug looking brunette with dark eyes staring down at the flushed, rumpled looking blonde under him. If one were to move close enough to hear their conversation, it would sound something like this:

"I love you, Naruto"

"Do you really mean that, Sasuke?"

"Of course, I love you with everything that I am."

"Really? No one has ever told me that before."

"Yes, really. Actions speak louder than words, so I'll show you how much you mean to me."

And with that the brunette started to ravish the blonde. But he seemed to have a bit of a problem getting the blonde's legs to open.

"Come on, Naruto, you know I'll never hurt you. Just open your legs and I'll show you just how much I care for you."

"I can't. I want to but I can't. Not until I know you've taken all the proper precautions at least. You do have a condom right?"

"Yeah…"

"And proper lubrication to make sure it doesn't dry out and tear, and to make sure I don't get any nasty STDs, right?"

"Yes. And I don't have any STDs."

"You sure about that? You never know, especially if you've been with multiple partners."

"YES I'M SURE! You are the only one I've ever thought of being with."

"Awww, that's so sweet, but that still doesn't change the fact that you could be carrying _something._ I really don't want to get cervical cancer or anything yucky like that."

sigh "What is with you? Of course you're not going to get cervical cancer, to get that you need to have a cervix, and last I checked you didn't. And I know I don't have any STDs."

"Are you sure you don't? When was the last time you were checked? And what if you get me pregnant? Will you take responsibility? I don't want to raise a baby by myself?"

groan "You are not going to get pregnant. And if you do, of course I'll stay with you. You know how much I want kids."

"But want if you are infected with HPV. Baachan wouldn't let me get the shot for that, no matter how much Iruka-sensei begged. I don't want to get that."

"What is wrong with you today? You were never like this the other times I made love to you."

"Oh, I think Iruka-sensei did something, but that doesn't change the fact that we should be more careful what if…"

The continued to go on about all the ways that they should be careful.

"Damn you, Iruka-sensei…" a disgruntled brunette muttered as he listened to his lover drone on about safe sex.

Several miles from the Uchiha compound, on a hill on the outskirts of the city, another brunette sneezed.

"Are you catching a cold, 'Ruka-chan?" a silver haired man asked worriedly.

"No. It's probably nothing."

"I hope so, I don't want my dolphin to catch a cold. That wouldn't be fun at all. But it's nice to see you so calm. You were so stressed all week about what Sasuke would do to your little Naru-chan, what changed that?"

"Well, as I was working in the mission room I found a copy of How to Raise Teenagers for Ninja Parents. It had some great jutsus in there. I found on for preventing premarital sex and used in on Naruto when I took him out for ramen last night. I don't think Sasuke will be getting into Naruto's pants anytime soon."

"You never cease to amaze me."

And the two shared a kiss as the sun was setting.

Fin 

**Kuro-chan: I woke up this morning and I had to write this. It's supposed to be stupid so…**

**Rose-sama: that is one of your worst fics every.**

**Sasu-kun: why wouldn't you let me get with my dobe?**

'**Ruka-chan: it serves you right for trying to corrupt my innocent Naruto.**

**Naru-chan: don't I get a say in this?**

**Kuro-chan: sorry, Naru-chan, but no. for those of you wondering _Gaara doesn't Know _should be updated within a few weeks. I have it written but I still have to type it and I hate typing.**

'**Kashi-kun: don't forget to review.**


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